Remember, This is Why...

Me in 2011             **                Me in 2012

I still hold many thoughts that would come from a much larger person. I don't really see myself as being thin, although I've been told I am. I still stress over buying clothes that fit if they are a smaller size than I think they should be. I fret buying clothes that fit because I'm positive that I won't be able to maintain, so they'll be useless. That is the thinking I'd like to rid myself of.

This is what I remember about myself 9 months ago:

• I had a bad knee that clicked when I walked up stairs. Some tendon moved when I pushed it around; the other knee didn't have that issue. The bad knee always had a low level of pain.
• My snoring was loud and embarrassing. Karole would often move out of the bedroom, which was humiliating. My folks bought earplugs when I stayed in a hotel room with them because I was so loud. I felt ashamed of myself. To stop myself from snoring, I tried several different mouth pieces, a nasal wire to keep my nostrils open, and drugs to keep my sinuses clear. Nothing worked. I moved into the basement after I made the sleep clinic appointment so Karole could sleep. I was down there for 2 months. It was a lonely time.
• I've always disliked clothes. I had them just to cover up my body. My gut hung over pants and I had back rolls that spilled out around my bra. I wore primarily long shirts with flannel vests to work. Sweats were my staple.
• The impetus for going in to see the doc were the odd sensations in my chest. It didn't hurt, but I felt odd pressures many times during the day. It worried me enough that I would often Google 'heart attack symptoms women'.

My body has changed so much from less than a year ago:

• My knee no longer hurts, and is solid and strong. I'm surprised by how muscular my legs are.
• I don't snore, or at least I don't snore much or loud. It's nice to be able to sleep without appliances in my mouth or anxiety about what noise I am going to cause.
• I have been enjoying clothes. I don't have much extra cash to spend on buying new clothes, but I like looking, and trying things on is actually pretty pleasant. I've even taken to wearing compression pants for running! I bought a bathing suit the other day to wear to swim laps, and I'm not (too) horrified by it. :)
• I experience no odd feelings in my chest. Even better, I have always had issue with headaches when I work in hot weather. I figured I would never be able to do strenuous activities in the heat of summer. Several times this summer, I either ran or biked in hot weather, and did not even show symptoms of getting a headache. The only time I had to stop running was because I was getting overheated during the Color Run. I gave myself a pass on that one because I ran most of the way, and it was almost 90 degrees out. 

I like this body I have now. I like feeling athletic, and it's enjoyable wearing clothes that make me look good. 

I ate leftovers today. Nothing fun to report.